woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
