A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
