Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
