Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
