I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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