my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
