you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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