I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
