Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
