Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
