cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
