God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
