Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
