i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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