Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
