I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
