My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
