Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
