whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
