i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
