I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
