He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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