Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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