Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
