dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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