watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So vagazzling was a success
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
