The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
