He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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