OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
