The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
