fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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