Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
