yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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