Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
