She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
