whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
