I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am midnight drunk by noon
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
