I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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