spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're a disaster
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