your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
