Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
