umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it's like iHOP with fire
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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