So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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