I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
