I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
