The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
