if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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