he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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