I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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