I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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